At my work there is one (1) vending machine that dispenses water and Powerade. On no fewer than two (2) occasions, aforementioned vending machine accepted $1.75 of legal US currency rendered by me (henceforth known as “the aggrieved”). The aggrieved then pressed one (1) of two (2) buttons for bottled water with the expectation that said water would be dispensed by the machine. On no fewer than two (2) occasions, the machine instead dispensed berry Powerade.

The aggrieved usually offered aforementioned berry Powerade to a coworker with the words “you like sugary blue shit right? Take this.”

The aggrieved wishes to seek damages in the following amounts:

$3.50 for the two (2) wrongly dispensed bottles of berry Powerade.

$15,000 for breach of implied contract between the aggrieved and the vending machine.

$500,000 for future medical care

- $100,000 because the aggrieved now drinks less water having been defrauded twice in the past.

-$400,000 because the aggrieved drinks coffee instead of water and drinking coffee makes the aggrieved desire a cigarette.

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$250,000 for mental anguish. Although the aggrieved had previously patronized vending machines without incident, the repeated breach of contract and trust has caused the aggrieved immense psychological harm and has led to the development of an alcohol dependency.