Car Addicts and Their Drugs of Choice

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Rusty Shitbox had a feeling and I had an idea...

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What Do I Mean?

The terms car-guy, gear-head, and enthusiast get thrown around about as loosely as the words drug addict, hop head, or fiend. Now the initiated, to either class of people, know that there are groups among us and we’re all very different.

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Personally, I think I can classify us fairly well in very vague assumptions and find our analagous group of drug users with similar behaviors and effects on society. Think of it as a ____ are to car enthusiasts as ____ are to drug users. I’ll start off slow and then get into the serious stuff, before finishing off with what I think us Jalops are. So without further explanation, I’ll attempt to not offend anyone (and fail).

*Dons Flamesuit*

Bro Trucks — Cigarette Smokers

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Obvious answer is obvious. They smell. Rolling coal is almost always for appearance. The effect is almost always minimal, no one gets high off tobacco just like no one enjoys their bro truck off road.

Donk — E-Cig Users

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Still gross and ugly. Less harmful to everyone else. Probably not a great choice in the long run.

#Hellaflush #Stanced Crowd — Molly/Ecstasy BroDudes

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Pretty simple. Relatively harmless to the rest of us. Almost always listening to EDM. Now get off our lawn. *Shakes Fist*

Ricers/Street Racers — Crackheads

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They’ve likely wasted a lot of their money on their habit. They can be dangerous to the rest of us. Everyone seems to wonder why...

AutoX/LeMons/Real Racing — Coke Heads

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Costs more money. The addict is less likely to harm anyone else. Why? Because race car.

Car Thieves — Prescription Opiate Addicts

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They’re taking it from someone else and are probably likely to end up dead in a ditch somewhere.

Motorcycle Riders — Heroin Addicts

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Sounds inexpensive at first. Very addicting. High chance of ending up in the hospital. A select few make the world more dangerous.

Subaru/Jeep Owners — PCP Users

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Think they can do anything. Probably can’t. Will still brag about it afterwards.

Top Fuel Dragsters — Meth Heads

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Because Florida. No, sorry, because these are the type of people that need just a little bit more than reasonable for brief periods of time. Loud and disruptive to those that are close enough too them. Lastly, because you can blow a fuck ton of money and potentially kill yourself.

Jalops — Pot Heads

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[Thanks Nibbly]

So you’ve made it this far and realize you probably aren’t any of these. You’re a pothead. Some do it for therapy, others do it for fun. We’re all pretty friendly. Don’t cause too much damage to the world, but are largely misunderstood.

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[Thanks V8 Saver]

They probably shouldn’t smoke at gas stations though.

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[Thanks Scoob]

TL;DR: Doug smokes cigs (in his Hummer), Tom pops molly (in his GTI), some of the staff is probably hiding PCP/heroin/coke addictions, and everyone is baked 24/7.

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Now rip me to shreads. I’m ready.

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