I see an ad for a 2004 IS300 for $1203, that’s a STEAL!

an obvious scam, I knew it would be fun to see if I could get a human to respond, so I texted the local Colorado number. I was very polite.

boy! that went from 0-60 quick, and all over $3!

so I of course emailed. I was very polite.

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but getting no immediate reply, I continued to text so perhaps I could get replies on two fronts to keep me amused

huh, odd, I think some human and bot replies are mixed in here

I get an email from them.

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ooooh! we’re going the stolen valor route of convincing me!

which is, illegal:

Stolen_Valor_Act_of_2005

Stolen_Valor_Act_of_2013

but on closer inspection, the plates weren’t from Colorado, and the registration sticker was from 2014, and reverse image search revealed the pics were from a car site’s review of the car

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so I emailed back

no reply, so I continued to text

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that worked, and I got an immediate email. #CamryDent

I also go the same message via text message, split into TWELVE!!!! texts. which made my phone buzz for a good long minute, and they came in half sentence out of order chunks.

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thankfully, when I buy the car, it will come with the car’s manual, which of course is an excellent way to prove ownership.

Anyway, it’s getting to the nitty gritty, and I don’t want to give more personal info than is already in my own CL ads (name, ph, email) so I had to go a different route.

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this is a cunning ruse! I’ll let you in on a secret Oppo. I do not have a brother named Pete, and said fictional brother is not in the military.

it’s all falling apart now, again, radio silence from Staff General Marine Sergeant Private First Class Josephine Baker

Probably my last attempt at getting a human to reply instead of a bot

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and now, my morning conf calls are over. I dont expect much joy to come from my $703 offer, but if they do, I’ll update

Update: so I got a bot reply, and some human replies.

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I poked a little, and it just resulted in the automated reply, but THEN!

a human again “what camry?”

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back to the autorobot reply. surely this is the end

nope.

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and that my friends is how I bought a car!

whoops, I forgot some details. AND THEN THEY ACTUALLY CALLED ME! probably by accident, as it only rang twice, so I missed the call.

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oh noes, that wasn’t a real address!? I think I’m losing him/her/bro

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I REALLY hope there isn’t a Joseph out there actually falling for this

oops, I used Andrew in the emails, don’t worry, we can work with this still. I’ll just lie LOUDER!

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bro is onto me! it WAS a camry :P But I’m sure we can drag bro back into the scam by giving him the even easier option of using mum’s credit card

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and, at this point bro will throw that address into the magic scam machine and it will say no such address and...

oooookay, somehow that worked

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so, I don’t have whatever communication bro is talking about from ebay (I did indeed check my spam/bulk folders), and I certainly am not going to mess with fake paypal accounts, so I went a different route, again.

I mean, I’d be confused as to how to proceed if I were the scammer. Will bro just swear at me again?

well lookie what finally showed up in my spam folder

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the seller’s address is a real address, of someone, and theres a support phone number listed throughout several times.

I honestly did not expect this. I really don’t know what to do now.

So I persisted with my annoyance about the dent in the bumper of my new car

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between saying I’d drop it off he called my. it was a brief conversation.

*ring ring*

me: yeah?

bro: hello, simon?

me: yeah

*click*

aww, dang. so I called the number on the ebay scam email. which is of course the final plan. apparently I buy ebay gift cards, then call that number and give them the details... maybe?

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Same guy, or at least similarly strong accented guy answers

bro: this is george with ebay, how can I help you

(of course there’s no holding or anything)

me: with ebay?

bro: I work for ebay I assure you sir

me: I don’t believe you

*click*