Lurkers. Lurkers. Lurkers of Oppositelock! Oh, don't grovel! If it's one thing I can't stand is people groveling. And don't apologize! I am here to give you a quest in these dark times of the Kinjaverse. This is a quest for authorship on this great blog of Oppositelock.jalopnik.com! You want to be an author?

Well, to bad! We've already got them! You don't frighten us with your silly knees-bent running around advancing behavior! I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Well,

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For those of you who do not know what make Oppositelock one of the greatest places on the internet, I shall give you a brief reminder! We are great because of the authors that we have. It is the authors who make and share the content. To be granted Oppoship is one of the highest callings in all of the internet. But, there are a few things that you must read before you can continue reading:

1. The Rules

2. More Rules

Now then, if you truly want to be granted Oppoship, we will need to see some commenting history. And finally after all of this, you will be ready for Oppoship.

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To cross the bridge into Oppoship, you must answer these questions three!

1. WHAT is your name? (please provide your url, ex. http://arch-duke-maxyenko.kinja.com)

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2. WHAT is your quest?

3. WHAT is your current daily driver?

Now, please be patient while we process your request.

Now that you have been granted Oppoship, there is one more thing that you must read.

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