Fellow Oppos, I went to the Columbus Auto Show a couple of weekends ago, and I had a good time wandering around and snapping entirely too many photos with my cell phone. I’ve finally gotten around to posting these, now that I’m no longer afflicted with whatever was going around my workplace—I was
not, the words of Disturbed, “Down With the Sickness”—last week sucked. /endrant
What follows is just what caught my interest (though no steady hand was to be found while doing so) as I snapped shots in the moment. Apologies for any blurriness,
meh composition, or stuff that shouldn’t be in the frame. More keen-eyed people may know some of the more obscure vehicles on display, but I’m not that guy.
Enjoy, and discuss.
Five-year-old me would have completely lost his shit upon seeing Herbie. As far as I can tell, an exceptionally faithful recreation of the movie car, save for the interior color. I had no idea you could get a furnished Bug van. Always liked this rear from the muscle-car era. The inclusion of fuzzy dice makes me want to listen to “Race Car Ya-Yas” by Cake. How would you have your Cobra replica built—a period correct carburated engine, or a five-liter Coyote mill? Call me crazy, but I always thought that fins were fantastic in their heyday. That’s a big engine for such a small car... Hasport doesn’t have a lot of room in this bay to do engine swaps—good thing the turbo-four in the Type R is about the best thing Honda’s engineers have put out in years. I like the big wing, I don’t hate the rear overall, but the red outline on the diffuser (undertray? What’s the proper term?) strikes me as too much. Also, ditch the fake plastic mesh meant to look like racecar vents behind the wheel-wells. The interior materials look pretty good. Not luxury-car good, but otherwise nice from my view. Crossovers aren’t my cup of tea, but the HR-V doesn’t look bad. An unoffensive interior on the HR-V, too. As long as you’re not towing a space shuttle (or have some intrinsic link between the size of your truck and your junk), the Ridgeline looks to be a fantastic choice comfort-wise for those looking at a pickup. It’s downright nice in here. I keep saying to myself that I should love the 370Z. Sports car heritage, rear-wheel drive, the VQ engine is everywhere in Nissan’s lineup, lighter and a more accessible price than a GT-R... ...and then I look inside, and remember how dated the car is. Also, bringing a convertible with an automatic is the way to disappoint every purist who would still be interested in this ancient platform. Boo. Nissan, you’ve f***ed up when the NISMO Sentra SR Turbo has a nicer looking interior than your Z-car (that costs 10k more). The eff is up with that shift selector? Strange. Jekyll and Hyde must have designed this dash together. Literally no one cared about the Frontier. That’s what happens when you let a model be stagnant for this long. And this is the most bland, bare-bones interior I’ve seen on a model still sold in 2018. This is unacceptable on rental cars. The enthusiast’s choice if you only get to have one car. Well, this or a Miata. Wanted to see if the Mustang crashed into the crowd. Maybe I shouldn’t be taking pictures of small children in Power Wheels... I just thought it was a good way to keep the youngsters entertained. A surprising amount of trunk space for a drop-top. But who the hell at VW approved that thumbnail-sized afterthought of a tachometer? (It’s on the left, obscured by the wheel.) You know in Sin City when Mickey Rourke’s character Marv says that modern cars look like electric shavers? I think he was onto something—I’ll point out various manufacturer’s offending grill designs to this effect. Exhibit A, Cadillac. These wheels are officially massive. Lexus took inspiration from Egyptian makeup tutorials they found on Youtube. That’s substantial eyeliner. If I’m reading this correctly, those tires look to be 305/30-22s. 0_o I haven’t seen any tuning parts related to Tom’s (in person) since, well—ever. Interesting color—kudos to Lexus for not going with boring black/gray/white. Okay, these look exceedingly nice inside. Turbo wagon/sedan thing, if that’s your thing. ...and this funds all the development of 911s and Caymans we speed freaks could ever want out of Porsche. Really not sure about this exhaust. I’m a fan of two round tips, keep it simple. If all Jags in the world were this green, I’d be okay with it. Gillette’s Mach 8 is gonna sue somebody for copyright infringement! Lexus, you’re better than this busy taillight. I’m on the fence about these new Alfas, personally—the exterior’s different, but occasionally looks a bit bulbous in a few places. I feel like you could find that shifter in an adult store. Acura, what the hell—are those diamonds all conflict-free? And the beak still hasn’t aged well. Man, I hate on luxury brands a bunch. For some reason, I really like the curve on the underside of this spoiler on the Lincoln. If this doesn’t make for a stupid-fast NSX, I will be surprised. Genesis says, “Hey guys—I have a chrome grill, too!” Honestly, I’m reminded of a Bentley. What’s up with the speakers? Why couldn’t I get this in focus? Fail. My phone and this yellow on the Porsche did not get along. It looks much brighter (and better) in reality. I know nothing about bikes. This says “Indian.” You know what a ZL1 needs? If you answered, “Moar power,” I don’t get you. Okay, I guess it’s a drag car. I’ll see your overpowered red ZL1, and raise you nitrous. This C6 ‘Vette says those preceding drag cars are cute. I always liked Axis wheels on 350Zs (I think that’s what those are). “I want to get noticed.” “The Polaris Slingshot can do that.” “I don’t think you understand me...” Now that these are legal to import, will we collectively as enthusiast lose interest over time? That woman in the white coat is 35—I’m kidding, but you believed it for a second. This rear end probably weighs as much as my Corolla, at the moment. It’s a gold brick—in car form. I was kinda nonplussed by this Bullitt-edition Mustang. Maybe I just think the base car’s styling has too many modern cues for the retro-feel they’re trying to cash in. Did the Focus RS only come in this color? I’m not complaining, by the way. Busy center-console, but I’m sure the car’s quick enough that I wouldn’t care. Also, I’m old: Recaros now make me groan to get into and out of, fantastic bolstering be damned. Auto-journos may love them, but I want something a hair more pedestrian. Dodge/SRT bringing out the big guns. No idea why these husks of classic cars were brought in, but here’s one. This shifter and handbrake position strikes me as strange. “Oh, you stripped the interior on your racecar? That’s cute.” Okay, now I think someone pulled this idea from my head about the shaver-grills. Wait, what? There weren’t even trucks in 1794. How many grill styles do you need for a damn Tundra? And why must they all look like razors for my face? Toyota’s trolling me now. “Get that fourin ethanol outta my... Japanese car?” Still, the most interesting Camry by miles. I like the exterior of this car... ...but the inside was unimpressive. Just felt kinda cheap to me, and a sea of boring black. Also, the engine’s underpowered for the weight of this car. Oh sweet, another Lexus with red leather! Wait, what? It’s a Camry? Really like these TRD wheels. The Colorado wins in my mind for best-looking pickup. The red stripe on the wheels was a nice touch. I heard someone actually say, “Ugh, I’m gonna be sick,” upon seeing a turbo four-cylinder in a Camaro. I like these base Miata wheels best. A very purpose-built interior, and I say that as a compliment. I was also surprised that the Miata didn’t feel much tighter inside than a GT86/BRZ, but neither of those are exactly roomy for me. Sir, I think your intake may not have been installed as intended. Matte paint is certainly different, but I bet it’s a pain to maintain. And this asshole completely ignored the “Please don’t touch” stickers and ran his hand all down the side—Dick. This F-150 was obviously lowered, and it still looks tall enough to trigger my vertigo. Goddammit, Kia—you too with the grill? I can’t decide if this is shaver-grill worthy, or a blue whale eating krill. I can see why people really like the look of the Stinger. But WTF with that shifter shape? It’s like a professional PC-gaming mouse from five years ago. These lights are bright. Also, the look of this car grew on me. Apparently, now brake calipers are meant to be yellow, not red. This STI felt absolutely huge inside. I’m sure it’s wonderful—long as you can stand the Subaru stereotypes. Red is the fastest color, after all. Again, a nice-looking crossover. If I have to look at a bunch of these in the coming years, it could be worse. Did you forget the Chevy Volt exists? I had. David Tracy, this still looks very much like the Wranglers that came before it. I’m sure it will sell well, but I can’t figure out why—since probably 75% of them will never see more than a gravel driveway in suburbia. “You will ride eternal, shiny and chrome.” “Witness me!” There is so much room in this engine bay.