I, Dash Doorhandle of the House of Bondo, being of sound mind and judgement, do confess the following sins:

1. I have a bit of a thing for the Chevette. They’re awful cars, but they hold up to one really good crash. I also enjoy the fact That over 11 model years, GM lost money on every single one they sold.

2. I have never seen Galaxy Quest. I have been scolded for this and will remedy the situation.

3. I seriously once attempted the high-concept custom of making my plastic Saturn SW2 into a woody wagon with real oak and ash veneer. Did one door for a test panel, made nice garage art, was expensive, stupid idea.

4. I have Painted a whole car with 19 cans of Tremclad.

5. Other customizing sins have included: fun fur interiors, speedholes flames and slotmags with 205/60/13tires (all on the same Chevette), and baby blue dingleballs all around the headliner of my mom’s 1981 reliant.


6. I have been that asshole tying up his exhaust with bailing wire on the side of a busy street.

7. Have never waivered from the belief that 5 shitty cars equals more than one new reliable one.

8. I tend not to proofread, capitalize, or punctuate properly when bullshitting about cars on the prestigious internet. Even though I can.


9. I don’t know everything about cars.

10. Have been seriously considering putting a 5-colour firebird on the hood of my 2010 vibe, I like the the blue 1980 example best.

11. Will shoot metalflake on anything, not kidding, just for the practice. (photographic evidence of cool flakejobs is hard to capture the magic of on a cell phone, I’ll try).