Strap yourselves in, kiddies, for a tale as old as time.* A classic tale of the little guy versus the behemoth. David and my Goliath. A Ford Fiesta versus a Raptor. A tale as told mere moments ago:

Illustration for article titled David versus Goliath

Me: I was driving down the freeway heading towards my parents’ house and there was a small cluster of slower traffic in the two left most lanes (three lanes total).

So I swing out to the far right lane to pass ‘em all, cuz I’m a rebel, Dottie, I’m a loner (I know that’s backwards. Props to whoever knows the reference).


Anyway, there’s this big ass ginormous Ford truck that was behind the slowpoke in the left lane. Guess when he saw me pass he realized he didn’t need to be stuck, either.

So I’m cruising along, passing traffic while munching on French fries and jamming out to mah music and all of a sudden, I look down and see that I’m going an even 100 mph. And I’m like... WHOOPSIE!


So I lay off the gas, get back in the left lane and continue on at a more modest 85, Put a couple of miles between me and the pocket o’ traffic.

Couple miles later, Ford truck starts looming in my rear view. I see this huge oversized FERD logo on the grill. And I’m like, Oh!! It’s a Raptor! Bet Rider’d love it!


He slowly catches up. I’m a dick and punch it back to 95 to make ‘im work for it first. He finally passes me and I see that...


It’s a wannabe with a Raptor grill and 4x4 badges.

So I pass him again when we hit another knot of traffic and my smaller, more agile car can get through the breaks where he can’t. Left him in the dust.


The end.

MtrRider: You were street racing a bro truck in a Fiesta. Only in Texas.

*This tale, like all Texas tall tales, may have been embellished in some parts.

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