It has come to my attention that two hours have past since I placed my order. If my pizza is cold when it gets here, which it will be, I will tar and feather the delivery guy and send his head back to you in a FUCKING PIZZA BOX. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. That was uncalled for. But this is unacceptable. Remember the days of 30 minutes or less? I realize you threw out that policy in order to improve product quality, but if you take 2 goddamn hours to delivered an order it better be crusted in gold and amethyst and be delivered in a box made out of a single piece of the finest ebony with a fucking diamond the size of my fist sitting in the middle of my buffalo chicken pizza. If I receive ANYTHING less than what I just described, I will not pay for it.

And do that tar and feathering thing we were just talking about.

Tip? Yo, your tip went flying out the window half an hour ago buddy.

Sincerely,
A college student who is currently studying for exams and needs dinner