Dear Facebook friends who are always liking NSFW pictures,

I have a couple friends who consistently fill my Facebook news feed with pictures of scantily-clad women, because they’re always clicking ‘like’ on pictures of scantily-clad women. These friends are truly heroes to us all.

Dear Facebook Friend Who Really Likes To Post About Fitness,

I’m glad you enjoy your Crossfit sessions so much, and genuinely believe that bacon is a component of a well-balanced diet, because cavemen didn’t eat carbs and bacon is also not a carb.

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You seem a bit oddly fixated on “motivational” pictures of female fitness models encouraging girls to lift weights. Do you really want girls to lift weights that much, or do you just like pictures of nicely-muscled female fitness models in skimpy outfits? Because you never post pictures saying dudes should lift weights.

Thanks for all the pictures of fitness models. I need to hit the gym.

-Mike

P.S. Your teal base-model Ford Probe with an intake you had in high school was badass.

Dear Facebook Friend Who Really Likes To Party,

I’m not sure if you ever actually post things on Facebook, but you sure seem to click ‘like’ on an extremely large number of pictures posted by Playboy and Dan Bilzerian.

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Do you know when you click ‘like’ on a picture, everyone you’re friends with sees that you clicked ‘like’? Knowing how much of a chillaxed fun party guy you are, I bet you do, and you’re just providing a service to the rest of us who for whatever reason cannot publicly display our liking of pictures posted on Facebook by Playboy.

Thanks for all the pictures of Playboy models. Now I can avoid having it show up in my browser history!

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-Mike

P.S. Got any weed?

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