Illustration for article titled Dear User:

“We’ve noticed that you are right in the middle of some critical job with a deadline you can’t miss and so obviously we need you to update your computer. We know the success rate for you on these updates is, like, 18% but its super duper important that we update your computer right bloody now! Even a delay of 1 day could spell certain disaster. Don’t you dare ask what the update is, or ask us to fix it when...er...if it breaks, or ask for an extension on the push...just do it or we’ll lock you out.

Love

The offsite, 3rd party contracted IT company”

Annnnnnnnd, unplug the ethernet cable...

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