Today is one of those days that I wish I still drove a 4x4 truck. Assholes are EVERYWHERE on the road here.

First, on my way home, two people were weaving in and out of traffic, tailgating me and others, then cutting us all off at random. They didn’t even stay in the damn lane. Cut me off, stay in front of me for five seconds, then jumping back to the lane from which they came. It didn’t help my nerves that one of the turd balls was driving a white Infiniti, wearing a flat-billed cap while vaping out the window.

Then, in my neighborhood, NOT EVEN BACK TO MY HOUSE YET, some asshole in a black E-Class was mad because I had the audacity to drive 30 MPH in a 30 MPH zone by my daughters’ elementary school. He tailgated me, flipping me off the entire time, then pulled up beside me at a stop sign, flipped me off again, and tried to ram me into the opposing lane of traffic (he was in the right turn lane, I was in the lane for going straight, he went straight instead of turning, tried to ram me).

Finally, on my way to pick up my daughter from her cheer practice, some butt nugget in an Explorer Sport Trac was mad because we were three cars deep, going down a four lane road, doing 48 in a 45, and proceeded to tailgate and cut off people to get to the head of the pack. Then he blew a stop light turning left, only to be caught at another stop light that he couldn’t blow due to traffic.

You know, when I encounter days like this, in the middle of the chaos, I stop and reflect on my actions to see if I did anything wrong. Did I instigate all of this madness? It’s like when you deal with a string of assholes, maybe they’re fine and you’re actually the asshole/being “touchy”. But in retrospect, no, I was not being touchy, or driving provocatively, or spurring anyone on.

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The only answer is: “full moon”.