What is the sound of one piston slapping?
What is the sound of one piston slapping?
Illustration for article titled Dem black wheels tho.

I'm going to be quite honest here: I find the Mercedes G-Class to have more presence than almost every other SUV, and than most non-supercars in general. I know a lot of people hate it, and with very good reason. Hell, our resident truck guru doesn't like the AMG version one bit, and I can see why. It's like Germany's H2, only twice as expensive. It's obnoxious, showy, ostentatious, brash, and generally not subtle. It is a vehicle of incredible off-road prowess that spends its life chauffeuring the wealthiest of soccer moms around Beverly Hills, the Hamptons, and Aspen. Yet for me, there's just something about the G, whether it's a basic G550 or a go-fast-be-loud AMG. It has presence, as I said. There's something about me that finds a big, powerful, expensive block of old-school German steel incredibly, inexplicably cool. Maybe it's the 7 year old in me that likens it to the Tonka trucks I played with as a kid. Maybe it's the fact that it looks like a cross between a Monaco casino and an armored car. Maybe it is the incredible performance, on and off road, that the G is capable of. But either way, the big Panzer will always have a special place in my heart and someday, God willing, a place in my garage. And if it's only the shallowest, most vain, most pretentious and insecure of 1%ers who drive the G, well then I guess I'll just have to start wearing gold jewelry as well.


On a separate note, my HTC One is a great phone, and I love everything about it EXCEPT the new, unique "Ultrapixel" camera. It is somehow different than a normal megapixel camera and, as you probably already know if you've seen a single photo I post, it is absolute shit in its purist form. It doesn't matter what angle, distance, lighting, or motion is occurring in the picture, it will still be a blurry, ultra-pixilated mess.

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