So this appeared on Jalopnik, by way of Wert's Personal No-You-Cannot-Comment-Plebeian blog. I watched and I laughed and you probably did, too...

... and then you probably made the same mistake I did in clicking on the plethora of unapproved, gray-text comments. Once you did that, like me, you too were doomed because reasons and opinions.


It's obvious why there are so few approved commentators on Wert's blog - he's a God and cannot deign to come down from upon high to mingle with us mortal folk; and I'm okay with that. What is also obvious is that we are some conflicted hypocrites around here.

Why am I making this post about a post? Because of the replies, because of the cornucopia of comments claiming that anyone who dares fuck with another persons car has gone too far, which seem in conflict with the general attitude towards Asshat Parking jobs. It's incongruous.

If I snap a picture of your poorly parked personal vehicle, and I blur out the plates, and I share it with a quippy headline, that's okay. But it doesn't really do anything. Where-as, if I puncture my water bottle and pretend to piss on the car when the owner comes back, I've got whatever I've got coming but I'm still in the right. Because I'm not pissing, so it's okay. But it's not okay to use pretend spray paint, like pretend piss, because that crosses a line? Or a shopping cart, or I park really close to you...

If you ask me; what this kid did was completely above the line, it was on the good side of bad yet there seems to be a lot of "I'd mess this guy up if it were me..." attitude alongside. Why? Is it because you also park like an asshat from time to time? Or is it that you're worried this sets a dangerous precedent? But I thought you didn't participate in these kinds of antics, given your many replies to other Asshat Parking Posts, yet here we are with you telling me that this goes too far and that the moment you mess with another persons ride, it's over - give me the Man Card, you're done.


What do you think, Oppo?

Do ethics win; the parking person was in the wrong, but two wrongs do not make a right, thus the only authority properly authorized and equipped to resolve this conflict are the proper authorities (I therefore abstain from involvement short of notification of the aforementioned proper authorities)?


Do morals win; the offense begins with the selfish parking job and ends with a socially justified balance on returns - ie, asshat parking warrants any equal reaction from the placement of a rude note to vandalism of property?

Does passion win the day; fuck you for your fuckery, now I'm gonna fuck-up your fucked fuckery, motherfucker because fucking reasons!


Personally, I believe any response should be measured equally between these schools of thought, but that's really just an empty way of saying, "I think the best course of action is to undertake the best course of action." It's hollow.

In the Seinfeld example, would Frank's car have been less damaged if parked across two normal spaces by George, rather than a single handicapped space?

Share This Story

Get our newsletter