If your Ford had a Matthew McConaughey, it would be a Lincoln

Do these taillights make my ass look fat?

Abso-friggen-lutely.

Like Kim Kardashian in a thong, the visual weight of your ass is nearly enough to create a black hole. Your ass is so fat, Iā€™d have to grease the grage door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get you through.

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