Do You Know Why I Pulled You Over?

Illustration for article titled Do You Know Why I Pulled You Over?

No sir, I was going a perfect speed, a great, wonderful speed, probably the best speed anyone’s ever gone, but really probably because of the construction, you see a lot of people speeding I bet, because of all the construction, a lot of people are talking about it actually.


“Uhh well I didn’t mention speed yet... but anyway the construction has been looked at, and in fact it’s been complete since last Spring... Sir I have word from our aircraft that you were going 114mph. The speed limit is 25 right here because this is a School Zone.”

No, you see, that’s the problem. These school zones are just put up wherever, there’s no control, no jurisdiction, they just say ‘oh this looks like a good place for a school zone’ just because they can’t stand how fast my car is, not that I was going fast at all though but I could.


“Sir this is a school zone because there’s a school right here. You can see the kids trapped in that burning bus you just ran off the road as it was turning into the school. Also, I can see your cruise control was set to 117mph, it’s on the dash right behind your hand there. Were you trying to cover that so I couldn’t see it? Because your hand is between YOU and the dash, but from where I’m standing it’s perfectly clear.”

I wasn’t trying to cover anything up, it’s just your perspective. And that bus isn’t my fault, it’s the crazy regulations on buses, someone ought to really look at that. I didn’t do anything wrong, how fast was that plane going? There’s like, no way they could measure my speed from that speed, I know how planes work, I know the best plane guy. They go like, really fast - a lot of people are saying this Blackhawk, Blacksmith, Blackburn, Black... whatever- you figure it out- did a ground speed check and he was going 10,000 miles an hour (more than the speed of light, even) and cars look so small from up there, how do you even know it was my car and not yours? Anyway, you must have been going even faster than that, that’s the real crime here.


“But sir, your license plate says ‘IGO115' and your driving record says you’ve been suspected of a long list of moving violations but never convicted, however, the passenger in your car somehow always gets arrested... and also, this car belongs to your father? And finally, there was an undercover officer who goes bySR20' who’s been tailing you all day...

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