Welcome to Dream Report, wherein I recount the details of last night’s dream, at least in cases where The dream has car-related elements.

I dreamed I was at a Carrot Top show, and there was a heckler shouting insults and questions about his horrid plastic surgery results. The performer stopped his monologue, and responded by saying very earnestly that it prevented him from being kidnapped, and then went on with the show.

I went home afterward, and I lived in a sketchy apartment building with poorly lit hallways. On my way to my apartment, somebody grabbed me and covered my head with a bag. They dragged me to another room. Wen they took the bag off, I saw the room had a half dozen people in it all hunched over desks and tables, talking to themselves about how they “must finish the RESEARCH,” in bad fake German accents. Somebody handed me a strip of silk that I recognized was a bow tie, and told me to put it on. I struggled with tying it, since it was too short to be a practical bow tie, when Bill Nye walked in and said, in a very sinister tone, that I must help him research how to kidnap people who have had plastic surgery, or else he would put the bow tie on me, causing me to suffocate and die.

His ultimate goal was, yes, to kidnap Carrot Top.

After spending some time hunched over a desk not knowing what I was doing at all, but muttering about “RESEARCH” to fit in with the crowd, I ran for the door, opened it, and saw a Ford Escape. Knowing that this was my chance, I ran for it and just as I was sliding in to the driver seat, I felt the silk tighten around my neck.