A while back while reading one of tavarish’s ‘you can have this for pennies’ articles, I was taken aback by a commenter’s complete alderaaning of anyone’s wish to own a cheap Bentley.

I was wondering when this was going to show up in a Tavarish special.

This car can hurt you in so many different ways.

First of all under the skin, it’s an Audi. Contemplate that for a second. The most complicated Audi ever made, in fact. Regular Audis dip into your wallet like a 15 year old girl with a crack habit. This thing will incinerate your wallet in a heartbeat.

I know because I looked at these, still do from time to time, and then I come to my senses.

The control arms in these last, on average, 30,000 miles. They’re a couple hundred bucks a pop, not including install. There are lots of them under this thing. The car is so heavy the rubber bushings disintegrate in the arms.

Next up, spark plugs, and other routine maintenance. See those cool intake manifolds? Yeah. Plugs are under those. Bentley mechanics say it’s not a matter of if you break bolts off in those manifolds as you remove them, but more like how many. It’s so bad that some opt to have the manifolds heli-coiled for the next time around. And, like any high performance turbo car, it has an appetite for coils, and plugs, so this is a “features you’ll get to experience frequently.

Next on the list is the wiring harness and ECUs. This Audi, like most other new Audis, has a double firewall. One at the back of the engine, then another one that forms the front of the cockpit. In between is an open space where the wiper motors, ABS module, body control module, and several other expensive little boxes live. This space has a drain, but, if the drain becomes plugged, it fills with rain water. You won’t know about it until it shorts out the expensive little boxes and cooks then. Typically, it also cooks the wiring harness too. The harness in this car is one piece. Yes. One, large, singular harness from headlights to license plate lights. You have to tear the car pretty well completely apart to replace this harness. You’re saying, oh, no big deal, I’ll get one at the junkyard.

No, you won’t. IF you could find one, they, like the expensive little electrical boxes, are keyed to the car electronically. They can’t be swapped. The only one that can key them is the Bently dealer... See where this is going?

All this is, of course on top of the cars insatiable appetite for brakes, tires, and fuel because it weighs as much as a dump truck, and corners like one too.

Beautiful? Yes. A bargain compared to original cost? Yes. A good idea, No. Run, run away.

He’s not wrong. But...I mean, damn. The dream is dead.