I have a bone to pick with a few people from this morning’s commute. I guess multiple bones. First off...it’s raining. So I anticipated added time in my commute and general stupidity, but still, come on guys.

To the driver of a white rental Chrysler 200: I’m sorry FUCK YOU. Maximum speed traffic reached for 5 miles was 20mph. I was in second gear the entire time and didn’t have to touch my brakes. I was in the travel lane (which, based on observation from the past couple of months, is the fastest lane during this stretch of traffic. There was one to three car lengths ahead of me and it is pouring rain. GET THE FUCK OFF MY ASS. You almost rear end me then proceed to get pissed off? Your repeated high beams mean nothing in bumper to bumper traffic and I’m not going to change lanes just so you can harass the next vehicle in line. When traffic is flowing, dude, and you REALLY wanted to get through this unscathed you would cool your jets kid because darting back and forth, lane to lane, means nothing if you end up back behind me.

To the drivers of multiple (3) different current model year Nissan Rogues: fuck all ya’ll. There was minor flooding (and not so minor flooding) at certain points in the commute today and everyone was doing a good job mitigating risk while not backing up traffic (except the section above, which sucks on a good day). Somehow, there were three exceptions to this flow and all three were appropriately Rogues. When your wipers are on during a torrential downpour and the spray from cars ahead makes visibility exceptionally poor, turn on your lights and don’t do 80mph. I am amazed I didn’t find one of you spun out into a wall due to hydroplaning. Yes, traffic is bad today...but it’s not exactly ideal conditions.

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To the VW Passat driver: turn on your lights and pay attention! I’ll give you credit for putting on your turn signal but don’t change lanes when I’m next to you. Check your mirrors, check out your windows, check anything! And turn on your headlights!

To everyone else: HIGH BEAMS ARE NOT FUCKING APPROPRIATE IN ADVERSE WEATHER CONDITIONS!

It’s bad enough trying to see the car ahead of you when their taillights aren’t on without being blinded by every car behind me. On a clear day, my mirrors are aligned so I can see you. Every other time, they are aligned to direct your headlights into my eye sockets.

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End rant.