There’s a new kid in the neighborhood. He’s about 13 years old and he’s been tearing up the land behind my house on a no-name chinese dirt bike, probably about 80-110cc with a real clutch and gearbox. His little bike makes a lot of noise, so I’ve listened to him go from stalling the bike regularly to being rather competent with a clutch. I call him a squid-in-training since he prefers to ride in shorts and a muscle shirt with the only nod to safety being a pair of gloves.

This looks like the bike - a SunL SLD33, 110cc.

This evening he took the next step to squid-dom. He started bombing up and down the street at night with no lights and no clothing except a pair of shorts. That was going just a little too far. I walked out to the street and stopped him.

I calmly explained that he was driving an unlicensed vehicle on a public street without lights, without safety gear, without a driver’s license, and without insurance. He took the typical teenager attitude and told me to f*** off. To his credit, he did tell me to “talk to his people” and rode it home.

Up to this point I had not seen which house this kid was coming from. Tonight I was able to confirm that he’s living with the dumbass four doors down. This guy has a history of doing dumb stuff and is known locally as the “naked man” since his preferred dress code is shorts and nothing else. Naked man has a couple of kids, but this one is new to the household.

Before the kid could get home, two cars turned onto the street. The first one honked at him since he was in the middle of the street and was hard to see without lights. The kid moved right, then turned left into his driveway, cutting off the second car. That one anticipated the move and braked hard to avoid hitting him.

Advertisement

I walked down the street to take the kid up on his offer to talk to his people. Naked man and some woman who I’d never seen before (not the one who I thought was his wife) were hanging out in the garage. It’s been converted into a second living room, so they were there with the other two kids watching TV.

I explained to them that it’s illegal for him to ride on the street and without any safety gear. They didn’t seem to care until I further explained that all it would take is one wreck in the street and they would be on the hook for the kid’s injuries and whatever damages he caused. The woman (not sure if she’s his mom) finally showed some interest when I told her the kid just cut off a car when he pulled into their driveway. Naked man just sat there and smiled like a dumbass.

I think it’s time to move.