For me it’s Mercedes. There isn’t a single car in their 134-year history that I’d want to own.

Part of it is their complete aversion to fun: ALL their current cars are boring business suits painted in boring grayscale colors with boring automatic transmissions.

But even their old cars do nothing for me. The SLS is too brash and ugly, the SLR looks like it has a case of the Downs and drives like shit (yes, I’ve driven one), the SLK never had a manual paired to a fun engine. the CLK GTR is eye-bleach hideous, and the 300SL just looks old and lumpy.

The only Mercedes I’ve had a passing interest in is the new Maybach G650 Landaulet. I’m not really into off roaders, but I can appreciate the no-fucks-given attitude of a turquoise convertible luxury tank that can walk on water like Jesus.