Feelings help.

Yo Oppo, a bit out of character for me, but here goes: How do you forget a girl? We had a thing, but due to many reasons, we can’t be together. Not her fault - family, cultural, life choices and many other, sadly unavoidable obstacles stand firm, so us isn’t an option. We knew this but went ahead anyway, thinking that we’ll have some fun together while we can and then split up. Well, naively, I got in to deep, it ended, and now my heart is in a thousand pieces.

She has since moved away across an ocean for some time, and we agreed on basically no contact. She has also found someone else, who she can be with, and who she can have a future with without obstacles. I’m incredibly happy for her, and she deserves the best dude in the entire world. I want her to be infinitely happy. I’ve never actually been happy for someone else, you know? You’re always glad that someone’s happy and smiling, but I’ve never felt something like this in my entire life. When she smiles, for any reason - even when I imagine her happy with someone else - I feel like my heart is warm. I feel such immeasurable joy when I see her smile. I’ve never felt something so extreme.

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But then again, at the same time... When I think of her kissing some other dude, it feels like a squarebody Suburban pulling my heart with chains at 100 miles per hour.

During last week I realized that I just work, look at memes, play videogames and drive and fix the Twingo. I eat like 6 big meals a day ‘cause it’s an excuse to just watch a show and zone out. I just don’t care what happens, which might become a problem.

I’m thinking about her constantly, she’s perfect in every way. I can see her both as a lifelong partner, and a best friend. I have since tried dating, to take my mind and heart somewhere else. But I feel wrong being with one person, while having someone else my mind. It just feels unfair from my side, so I got out of that. I guess I need more time, because right now, I seriously think I’ll never be able to give myself to anyone, I think that I’ll stay emotionally unavailable forever, because she was the one. And I don’t even care how corny that sounds.

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I feel like I’m at a tipping point - I’ve realized how I feel and I’ve finally become aware of what I’m doing wrong (eating, no excercize, avoiding social events to stay home, etc.). I’m also starting to consciously overeat and wallow in my shitty moods, instead of doing something active to get over it. I think now’s the time to do something drastic to move on. I haven’t done regular excercize for years, and I’m afraid that I’ll just fail miserably if I try to both eat healthy and start working out at the same time. And if I do just one, I’m afraid it’ll take years to see any improvement, so then I decide not to do it if I won’t see a change soon. I dunno.

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Did you have any similar experiences Oppo? I’d love to hear your thoughts and if someone felt something like this. How did you deal with this?
Is this a bit extreme or a normal thing to happen? I’ve had longer relationships start and end, but I’ve never cared this much about a person.

Thank you for your time, I don’t usually talk about stuff I feel, it feels like I’m annoying or a burden to my co-talkers. Not just on Oppo, but to anyone. Thanks!

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Pictured: Oppo carrying my problems.

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