Our second runner up, with 18% of the vote is……
Kristin Marie Jones, Miss June.
Miss Jones, also known as the “Tanny Nanny,” could possibly be the dumbest babe on the podium. Not only did she leave kids in the car she was supposed to be watching, she also tried to blame it on the mother of the children who wasn’t anywhere near the salon that day.
She has a string of prior arrests for many other poor choices she has made, so I’m shocked we have not met her before now. Congratulations, Kristen.
Our first runner up, with 20% of the vote is……
Renata Congleton, Miss October
Miss Congleton, also known as “.413..... Wait, what?” was so goddamn wasted that if you divided her BAL by .08, she was drunk enough for five women.
Now that’s a party - just leave the kids at home.
Here she is…. Your winner, with 27% of the vote - Miss Jalopnik BatshitBabe 2014!!
Stephanie Faye Hamman, Miss March.
Nothing says Batshit like the Sunday Stephanie had earlier this year:
God was pissed at her for smoking pot during the day instead of just at night to relax (which he says is OK) and then she started listening to Satan, who got into her ear after he found out how mad she was that her husband worshipping the NASCAR race at Bristol. So, sometime before 10:00 p.m. that night she crashed her car into the church and stabbed her husband Steven when he came to check on her.
Stephanie also won three of the special awards this year:
- Miss “Best Mug Shot,”
- Miss “Would Hit,”
- Miss “Most Batshit”
Not only did our little Stephanie win the crown, she has also won her freedom.
Apparently, “The Devil Made Me Do It” is a great excuse, since all charges were dropped.