I finally got my cursed S4 back from the body shop. All said and done, they could salvage the rear bumper, but repainted the quarter panel. In the end, I’m not too upset - this part of the car was previously repainted and my body shop did a better job.
All said and done, my insurance will be shelling out $2,156 for 8 days of work, plus my rental car. The rental was absolutely great. The V60 was a 2016 T5 Platinum AWD with 5K on the odo. Incredibly smooth driving, 29MPG with a leadfoot, and has a ton of really cool safety features (auto braking, lane deviation, adaptive cruise control, auto high beams, etc). Only issues I found were blind spots (not a big deal with blindspot sensors and cameras), not a ton of instant power, and an annoying navigation interface.
ALSO, I got my winter set installed and it looks waaaaay better than I anticipated. I was going to get the Pirelli Sottozero 3's, but the price difference for Blizzaks was too small to pass up.
Next Step: Roof Rack