NFL Open Thread (updated)

Well, that was awful. Still no sacks or turnovers for the Broncos defense that was supposed to be awesome and coached by a genius. Flacco sacks himself because he won't throw the damn ball. I really wish I could drink right now. Go Browns.

Fuck AB. Fuck the Patriots for signing him after the shit he pulled with the Raiders. I hope they both get what they deserve, but I know the Patriots won’t.

Advertisement

Oy. The end of the Bears-Broncos game sucked all the life out of me, but it still was a good game. I think I’m resigned to them losing a lot. Again. Oh, good, now they have to play the Packers at Lambeau. Think about this... the Broncos have NO SACKS this year. NONE. HOW?? It’s one thing for them to lose, but to not do the one thing they’re supposed to do well? Come on. They’ll lose today. It probably won’t be close. I can’t even drink because I’m on call. Guess I’ll just go outside and stare directly into the sun for three hours because that should be slightly less painful. Also, HOLDING, Offense, number 72, 10 yard penalty, remains 3rd down. Repeat as needed.

Thursday Night Football happened, but I didn’t see it. I thought the games were going to be on Fox? I don’t know what’s happening. Wheeee!

Sorry for my football nihilism this week. I’ve been working 50-60 hours per week the last month and it’s taking a lot out of me. I have a vacation coming up but it’s not until the end of October and that feels like an eternity. At least I have some extra money.

Denver’s football choices are weird again this week because the Broncos-Packers game is not only on Fox, but it’s early. That’s the only Fox game we get. Opposite that game, over on CBS it’s a much better game: Ravens-Chiefs. I will go with the Chiefs there. After that is another good one, the Texans at the Chargers. I guess I’ll pick the Texans but it should be entertaining to watch. SNF is in Cleveland? Has that ever happened since NBC has had SNF? They’re hosting the Rams, and I really should pick them to win but I’d actually like to see the Browns win this game. Over on the wasteland of Monday Night is Bears at Redskins. I’m sure the Bears will lose to rub salt in our wounds, because this season sucks.

Advertisement

The rest:

Bengals at Bills - I want the Bills to win, because then when they play the Patriots next week both teams will be undefeated.

Advertisement

Dolphins at Cowboys - Hold on... *pukes into trash can*

Falcons at Colts - Colts I guess? I don’t know. I should mention I’m in next to last place in my work’s pick-em league.

Advertisement

Raiders at Vikings - The Vikings are kind of bad, aren’t they? I didn’t have a whole lot of faith in Kirk Cousins, but I didn’t expect them to be this mediocre. Raiders win, probably.

Jets at Patriots - Wait... *pukes into trash can again*

Lions at Eagles - Eagles, because I don’t trust the Lions.

Panthers at Cardinals - Pretty soon there will be no healthy starting QBs except for Tom Brady. God help us.

Advertisement

Buccaneers at Giants - I’ll say the Bucs because the Giants are starting a rookie QB, but it’s probably going to be an ugly game to watch.

Steelers at 49ers - Niners. I’m ok if the Steelers don’t win a game this year.

Saints at Seahawks - Too bad we don’t get this game, I bet it’ll be good. I’m going to pick the Seahawks, which would probably be an upset.

Advertisement

Ok, well, I hope you guys with winning teams enjoy the games. I’m just going to sit and watch my team lose while I weep softly into a box of donuts.

Share This Story