Illustration for article titled Gentlemen and ladies, hold the presses

This just in.

By curious quirk™ of fate, we have the perfect story with which to launch our automotive news network.


It seems a new Defender was unveiled with plenty of commotion from the automotive world. I want full newspaper coverage, I want magazine stories, I want books, I want films, I want TV, I want radio, I want us on the air 24 hours a day, THIS™ is our moment! And a billion people around this planet will watch it, hear it, and read about it from the DeMuro Media Group.

There’s no news, like news.

I never noticed how well you could make Doug into an Elliot Carver-esque villain.

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