Disclaimer:

Driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol is reckless, antisocial, and extremely dangerous, under no circumstances is it acceptable or reasonable to drive in such a state. The following text is representative of an illegal stop, I was completely sober.

“How’s everything officer” I respond to the uniformed man with a torch pointed at my eyes.

“Well, its Thursday, so it’s calm, we’re a security checkpoint, do you live in this area?” the cop asks.

“No, I do not” I respond. To which the officer asks me to open up my trunk.

“We suspect you’re driving drunk sir, did you drink tonight?” the officer asks.

“No, I had a beer during lunch” I answer.

“Do you know the administrative practice for this?” The officer asks

“you’d apply a field sobriety test or a breathalyzer test” I answer

“Yeah, but do you know what happens if you fail?” He responds, sassily.

“No, I do not, because I don’t drive drunk” I answer

“You go to jail, to the Torito with all the drunks” He says

“Well then give me a breathalyzer test and lets see what happens” I answer

“We don’t have one” The officer says.

“Let me call my lawyer” I say, in a strong tone, letting the officer know I am not folding for a bribe.

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“what?!?” the officer responds.

“Yeah, I just want to make sure I don’t say something stupid” I respond

“we can make the test now, we can call a unit over” the officer says

“No, I’d rather wait for the lawyer” I respond, sternly.

*I call a family member and make conversation*

Suddenly, a BMW 440i storms past the checkpoint doing around 100km/h in the small street.

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“What the fuck Juarez?” shouts Jimenez to Juarez, who is 20m ahead stopping people. Juarez shrugs and Jimenez sighs

“Are you really calling your lawyer?” the officer asks.

“He’s on his way” I respond.

“Okay, show me your breath” the officer says.

*I blow air at the officer*

“Tell him to go back to bed, you can go with a warning young man”

“Have an easy night officer, goodbye”