Its here... And how it got here could be Roadkill, Canada Edition.

So. This is my first car. Ta da. A $450 (and that's Canadian by the way), 1991 Ford SHO Taurus with a 130,000 miles and a mouse colony living in the trunk. The paint is peeling, the exhaust is broke off at the down pipe, the trunk lid is rusted through, the rear spoiler is missing, and the hood is bent and has half an inch of Bondo in it. Keep in mind I payed $450 for this car. That's $400 USD. Ish.

On to the good bits. Its got the screaming 3.0L DOHC Yamaha V6, a 5-speed transaxle, and yes ladies and gentlemen, it moves both forwards and backwards. Even has all 5 forward gears. It came with four mint 16" factory 'Slicer' wheels, although the seller couldn't find the center caps. He did say he would mail them to me when he found them. It also has the lovely factory SHO specific leather power seats, though it oddly lacks front door panels, and it smells like something died in there. From the looks of it there was a veritable colony of mice living in the trunk.


Surprisingly, the floor and frame aren't all that rusty for a 23 year old car that came out of up-state New York. It even has some beefy subframe connectors that some one booger welded on at some point. Between that, the bald tires on the slicers and the battery relocated to the trunk, I think it would be safe to say that this car has seen some action. That might explain the front brake rotor that's in three pieces. Although that has nothing to do with the other 3 calipers being seized and the master cylinder being bone dry.

That brings me to the Roadkill-like part of the story.

It all started about three weeks ago when I sent the seller the money for the car in the mail. I sent it so that the money would be there in three days, and the seller was supposed to send the necessary paperwork to the border crossing at Alexandria Bay the day after he got the money. A week later he still hast sent it.


Let me tell you why this is a problem. My passport expires on the 2oth of August. And my father was taking his truck, the truck I needed to tow the car home, to Thunder Bay for a week. By the time the seller had sent the paper work to the border, it was 2 days before my father left. It arrived at Alexandria Bay the day he left.

But whats the problem you say? that still leaves you more than a week to go get the car after he gets back! Well, in order to not have to go and re-apply for a passport, you have to make sure they get it before the expiry date. And that was just cutting it a bit close for my taste. but it turned out not to matter any ways, because my mother decided to mail off the paperwork to renew my passport a week before we were supposed to go get the car. And my passport was in the envelope. Crap.

So fast forward a week and my father and a friend of his are getting ready to go down to Potsdam NY to get the car with our truck and car dolly. So I'm checking the air in the tires and I happen to kick the tire on the dolly just because. It moves. I jack up the dolly and check the play in the wheel bearing, and it's got nearly half an inch of play. Well, we aren't towing it like this. We get it all apart last night and say, "we'll just go into town tomorrow morning, grab the bearing and seals slap 'em in and be on our way in about 15 minutes." Ha. Turns out not a single person in Kingston had an axle seal that would fit the off shore pile of scrap, and the best they could do was overnight it. That wouldn't work because of the seller's and my father's work schedules.


So after checking different truck and trailer places and a bearing specific place, I call U-Haul, and they have a car dolly on the lot. I rush home with the truck because, of course my father left his wallet in the truck. So, he goes and picks up the car dolly and is on is way.

This part on is all second hand because of the passport debacle, so I'll do the best I can. He makes it down to Potsdam with no problems. When he gets to the guys house, he still hasn't removed the wheels he wanted, nor has he dug it out of the centuried sludge it been resting in for last four years. So they pull it out onto the drive way and back it into the empty garage. Somehow my old man manages to do this without even looking at the brake pedal or noticing the brake light on in the dash. I was just surprised the light worked.

Now its in the garage and the go to take the wheels off. they jack up the car, put the jack stands under it and go to run the wheel nuts off with the impact driver. But the thick walled impact socket wont fit in the holes of the aftermarket wheels. So he goes back into town and buys a thin walled chrome socket, and removes the wheels. Once again he doesn't notice the seized calipers or the front rotor that is broken into three pieces. After putting the snows from my Sable on the car they jack it down, and drive it forward out of the garage. But he isn't lined up with the car dolly. He backs it up to line it up with the ramps and suddenly discovers the brakes don't work at all when the pedal hits the floor and he backs into the property owners log cabin like garage.


He bent the track for the garage door, splintered the ends of 2 of the logs and scraped the door frame deep. Luckily he wasn't moving fast enough to do any structural damage, and amazingly, the car was undamaged. Since the seller failed to mention the lack of stopping, he's footing half the repair bill for the garage. Did I mention this wasn't the sellers garage? Yeah.

So after all that, he leaves and heads for the border again. The American Customs people were surprisingly helpful, almost cheerful, and were very understanding even though he got there a bit late. The Canadian Customs on the other hand... They stood around and made him wait a good hour before they even went outside to look at the car. Gotta love the Canadian Government. You blame Obama? I blame Harper.

So now that the car is home, and my mother is distinctly displeased to have this turd in the drive way, I'm not entirely sure what to do. Other than the brakes and the trunk lid, there isn't really much that would keep this car from passing the Ontario safety, that is, that I have found. An intense autopsy and check up is in order. But the reason I bought this car in the first place was to pull the engine and put it in the Crapri.


I'm torn.

Do I get the car on the road and drive it for a while, and possibly fall in love with it and not want to cut it up later once I've found a transmission for the Crapri, (which is proving surprisingly difficult), or do I not tempt my self and tear it apart and save myself the temptation?

Have some more pictures.


Roadkill Canada. You listening Frieburger and Finnegan?