I’m going home.
I have to go into the office and do a couple of hours of administrative work, and then I am going to hang out with my dog. He and I have been very attached since he joined our family, and I realize that the bond has gotten closer since my heart attack, for whatever reason. This couple of days has made me realize that I need to make more of an effort to take him with me when I travel. I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I find myself fighting a bit of loneliness and depression without our intertwined daily routines
There are weird side effects from the heart attack that I haven’t really talked about. The most noticeable and weird is that I have developed an intense fear of heights that I never had before. I was terrified when I crossed the bridge at the San Joaquin River Gorge, which was when I really noticed it.
As you can see, the bridge is very secure and had I railings. But I was gripped by a terrible and irrational fear while crossing it. It was difficult and awful and it disturbed me. I made myself do it.
I noticed it again when I went skiing with my family; the lifts were really difficult for me. I have been skiing for over 40 years and I have never had such a problem. I found it upsetting. Someone with a better understanding of the human brain would have to explain to me why this is happening.