When a hill-bro-y Opel club called “Hardegsen Hardcore” hosts a meeting in medieval surroundings you better make sure to be there. Out in the backwoods I was honestly hoping to see some comically bad custom efforts, loads of embarrassing decals and a worrying amount of barbarous barn tuning. So I manned the MS Cultural Crusader with a friend and his youngling and together we drove for 20 minutes into the hinterlands determined to teach the locals a lesson or two in being big city cool. This was my approach: I hid parked my dirty fartcanned Wonder of the civilised World out of view on a supermarket parking lot a few hundred meters away from the event and quietly took pictures to anonymously mock the rural folk mercilessly on Oppo a few days later. Brilliant, they’ll never know what hit them!

Sadly my high hopes were met.

But surprisingly it wasn’t all bad.

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There was in fact some interesting and beautiful stuff to be found.

So let’s sort out the great from the degrading together in no particular order, ok?

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So what if your engine’s displacement is barely comparable to a pringles can? Doesn’t mean you can’t convey a bad attitude, right?

This is pretty much your standard custom Golf Mk.II. A bit lowered, sportier rims, stickers: Done is the arbor! At least the paint and metal seems to be in good shape.

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Wait a minute. One, two...five...ooh. Nice!

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I bet you twisted rim-lickers get a kick out of this thing. I do.

If you’ve read some of my posts, you already know that I have a thing for small coupés. I mean who doesn’t?

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Stock those little rascals are cute charmers, but if someone decides to give them a bit more go...

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...like for expample 185 horses from a 2,3l engine...

...a 650kg (1433lbs) bouncy ball like this gushes out pure driving pleasure.

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Now you might be fooled into thinking that the ride quality is only comparable to the comfort of a derailed train crashing through a burning oil refinery. Don’t be.

...because it’s propably way worse than that. Still, I’d enjoy every second behind the wheel.

Until this creation humiliates me.

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240hp, 226nm (166lb ft).

*insert weird animal like noises of unfiltered ecstasy here*

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I need those seats - even in my beamer. You deal with it!

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You want some more golden rims?

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In short here is what happened: Calibra, calamity, “Kaliber”.

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Misfortune seldom comes alone.

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I’m starting to lose my will to live, so I end this misery here.

I feel the need to restore Opel’s honour again.

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Yes, you heard me: Both, thank you!

No, I changed my mind. Make it all three. Someone pay the man, please!

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Words just can’t describe my raw desire.

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So it’s an automatic? Imperfections are making cars perfect, right?

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Holy shit!

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After buying my car I visited their website, but for the first time I saw some of the guys and girls of the BMW Club Südharz showing off their lawn chairs in real life.

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Vanity plates in Germany work a bit different as you might already know. For a small fee you can choose a letter and number combination, but you have to stick to the basic system of one or two letters and up to four numbers after the district code. So this owner chose wisely.

Sadly it’s “only” a 518 but it looks good, I think.

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I’m not so sure about this idea though.

Uhm, yeah, and then this car just happened.

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The owner even has a dog. This is too much...

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Let’s calm down, everybody.

Second thought: Fuck it! Hit play, and lose yourself in these pictures.

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When I look at this I imagine a deep super-villain voice saying: “Inevitable”. They love to say that.

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The last time a grey silhouette was this imposing 15” guns were involved.

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Imagine pouring this much time, money and passion into your car. You even thought of a nickname way cooler than “Das Boot” for it. And yet a deadbeat cynic like me whose rotten roller is still rocking winter tires strolls by and all he can think of is: You knucklehead misspelled “Stuka”!

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People do love their GSIs though.

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And I adore those rims. It’s beyond me why. Maybe it’s just the word “Turbo”.

Fun fact, those are the smallest ones Lorinser ever offered...

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And this Golf’s rear tires are looking like being pulled over washing machine drums.

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He had this in the trunk. I’m a Jalop, but I don’t know what this is. However I doubt that it belongs where the owner put it because it doesn’t seem to do anything useful there like making the car faster or lower. Therefore I’m sure the owner isn’t a true car guy!

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Classy...

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Enough with the 80s for now.

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Okay, since this dump is already quite massive at this point, I’ll end this post with my two favourites from the event. They were conveniently parking together inspiring overwhelming dream-garage fantasies.

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And finally:

Some higher power must have read my last Osterode article and materialized the car I was describing out of my destilled lust and Hannu Mikkola’s left testicle.

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This is everything I wanted, and more...

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I’m sorry, the trusted, borrowed potato-cam was overchallenged with the awesomeness on display.

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Stay Hardcore Hardegsen!

It was fun!