Hazard: Lame Car Jokes

You have been warned.

Why did the Mopar fan dig a ditch next to his house? He wanted a parking spot for his Viper.


What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Bumper sticker on a Jag: “That’s the finest in British engineering, falling from beneath my car”

What do a 400 bhp Supra and 1000 bhp Supra have in common? They both do the 1/4 mile in 12 seconds.

A guy walks into a shop and says “I’d like a gas cap for my Kia”. The owner thinks for a few seconds and replies “Ok, that seems like a fair trade”.


What do you call a newspaper article about a Porsche 911 driver? An obituary.

How can you tell when a pickup truck in the US has been stolen? It’s actually off road, dirty, and there’s something in the bed.


The 3-positon Lucas switch - dim, flicker, off.

Lucas once petitioned parliament to have ohm’s law revoked.

Lucas once made a vacuum, it was their only product that didn’t suck.

The British drink their beer warm because Lucas also make refrigerators.

British cars don’t leak, they mark their territory.

Joe makes 2000 dollars a month, he spends 1000 a month on repairs. What does Joe have? A 6.0 Powerstroke.


The other day in Portland, OR, emergency rooms and police agencies were flooded with thousands of calls and visits from terrified people, desperate to know the safety and whereabouts of beloved family members and friends, because a traffic report on the radio mentioned a fatal accident between a Subaru and a Mini.

How do you tell when a mid-engined Ferrari is warmed up? It’s on fire.

How do you know when a British car is low on oil? When there isn’t any oil dripping onto the driveway.


Saab? Sierra Alpha Alpha Bankrupt.

Why don’t the English make computers? They couldn’t find a way to make them leak oil.


How do you get an Iron Duke to 100 mph? Throw it off a cliff.

What’s the difference between a Kia and a tampon? A tampon comes with its own tow rope.


A guy with a hellaflush Jetta, a guy with an old donk’d Grand Marquis on 24's, a guy with a plastidipped flat black M3, and a guy with a 1.3L FB running premix walk into a Pep Boys. It collapses and they die. No one cares.

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