Dear Football gods, please grant improbable wins to the Browns and the Chiefs, and a probable win to the Texans. I need this. Our fans need this. JJ Watt/Andre Johnson needs this.

If you cannot grant those wishes, please let Justin James have 6 sacks, 10 tackles, and three touchdowns so that the naysayers change their minds and grant him the MVP title.

But, preferably, just let the Texans make the playoffs.