Hello, my lovelies, I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you. (Bonus topic: anyone have any experience milking airlines for certainly not compensation compensation?) ETA: my luggage is on the plane, fuck yeah, I need a drink.

Here’s how my day has gone: woke up at 2:30 AM, get to the airport at 3:30.

Queued up for a 6:30 flight.

Informed that there’s a mechanical problem.

Get switched to a flight through Chicago.

End up in a shitty boarding group (8 out of 9)

I was group 5. I paid extra to be in group 5, because people are GARBAGE.

Cut into the line while group 6 is boarding, once I realize that fucking people from group 9 are boarding, and despite that being budget-y personal item only, these fucks have carry ons. This is why I waste money to reserve a seat, because.


I get up to the agent and she immediately stops allowing carry-ons.

I. Do. Not. Check. Baggage. I will travel for a month with a carry-on and a personal item. I will not check bags.

I check my bag.

I realize I left my house keys and my only set of car keys in my now checked bag.


I get on the plane.

The plane has technical problems.

An hour passes, my new connection is not going to be made.

They give people the opportunity to deboard.

I leave and talk to a customer service rep, he books me on a new connecting flight and ensures me that my luggage can’t end up on any other flight.


I’m nice and polite, other people are assholes, I get upgraded.

I go back on the plane.

They fix the problem. The plane was to leave at 7. It is now 9.

They announce that because some mother fuckers walked out without getting marked as leaving the plane, EVERYONE has to fucking leave and reboard the plane, because they don’t know who’s on it.


Get back in the plane. It is now 10.

Start taxiing.

Oh, airport traffic jam. We’re 23rd in line to take off.

Take off at 10:45.

Now I’m in a bar in O’Hare waiting for my next flight at 3, and my fucking luggage’s status hasn’t been updated since it was put on the plane at Newark.


Now, in all fairness, everyone I’ve dealt with has been incredibly nice, but, holy shit, I’ve got to be able to get something out of this, right?

Also, if my luggage doesn’t meet me when I land, I will have to both have a locksmith get me in my house and have my car towed to a dealer to have a new key made. Genuinely, people who don’t follow boarding instructions need to die in a fire.

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