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Hello, Oppo! And an Oppology.

Opposite lock. Mmmmmm. OPPOSITE... LOCK. What a good name. What a great feeling to say such a wonderful word. The consonants are nice and hard at the end (all plays bared in mind) and the feeling is just right. This fertile space is filled with the minds of a once comment-only car enthusiast blog and tonight the feeling was just right. But how long has it been OPPO? "How long has it been?" you ask, when you see that I have an Opposite lock authorship! It has been quite sometime my fellow Jalops and Oppositions. It has been far too long that I have retained the right to authorship and even decided to introduce myself as the Jalop I am! Cry disgrace for the humbled author whose lines sing a song of-

"Shut the f-ck up."

Anyways, Hello Oppo! I am not a 2001 Cherokee but my Jeep certainly is. If there was ever too much shtick, I OPPOLOGIZE. Okay, seriously... Lets not be OPPONENTS. Sometimes I feel like we all just have to get OPPOlong. That one we can all agree upon as a no go. Point is... I have had authorship for quite sometime and I have never even bothered to introduce myself, write any articles of merit, be featured on the front page, and even when my Cherokee broke down on the PA Turnpike. I spent the entire night gathering information to write an article about it and did not publish it. I even went so in-depth as to describe the nature of each of the Pep-Boys workers who showed up, right before they royally put me over a barrel and demanded my blood. Then when I started writing the feature I decided to can it.

Illustration for article titled Hello, Oppo! And an Oppology.

*Oh look my plate is blocked out with salt and sand from the road... Oh I am sorry DeMuro is that a problem? How about you break my heart and CRUSH ANOTHER innocent PT Cruiser (one of my first cars. Everyone whose never had one hates them. It was a 2005 limited and if anyone cares, I totaled it.) Or maybe just drive across the land of the free and the home of the brave in a Lotus! ANDREI CODRESCU probably rolled over when he read that Doug! Andrei Codrescu! A Romanian! In a Cadillac! That is America Doug! Romanians in Cadillacs as far as the eye can see! Doug! If you have not read the book Road Scholar it is highly recommended, Doug. Demuro. Doug. The name gets white and pasty with shorts on if you say it enough. I kid! Doug is already white and pasty, even when he decides to wear pants... Loser.*


So, this is the least I can do to show favor and support for having been given, what is a privileged ability to write long articles that half of the general-population will not read because I will use words similar to: hysterics, exhaust-pipe, motivators, starter, herbivores, chocolate, drivetrain, milk, alternator, scotch, rum, flux-capacitor, rum-pudding, beer, alcoholic, Excalibur, differential-fluid, transmission mounts, heavy-lemur-tongue-industrial-floating-pacemakers, and so-forth.

I could not let myself go through with publishing any article unless I had the time to revise it and re-write the entire thing. Which I will not do with this. So here I am Oppo... Come and take me, take me by the hand! *TTeeeeaacccchhh mmeeee*


It has been two years since inception. Thank you @Demon-Xanth and @crown victor victoria.

The author has been a long time follower of Jalopnik (even before kinja and its hell) and never bothered to write anything on Oppo. After years of uninspired (lack of motivation, anal retentiveness) writers-block he finally decided to write his first article. He does not enjoy hydrogen as an alternate fuel and has a negative stance on stance and negative camber in general. He thanks you for your time.

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