I live in Wisconsin. I didn't learn to drive here though—I grew up in the DC suburbs. What makes Wisconsin unique is that we have an inordinate amount of slow-ass drivers. It doesn't make sense. People just aren't in a hurry and can't conceive that anyone else might want to get somewhere in a timely fashion.

Let's set the mood here.

When I drive in big cities, I hardly ever find myself using my horn. Drivers might be aggressive, and there might be piles of traffic, but at least everyone is trying to keep moving. But here in Madison, I've turned into a frequent horn honker because people need to get their asses moving.

How are Wisconsin drivers slow? Let me count the ways.

On highways:

  • Driving under the speed limit, when there's no traffic.
  • Going up an on-ramp at a ridiculously slow pace that makes it dangerous to merge onto the highway.
  • Getting in the exit lane a mile ahead of the exit and going 5 under the limit "because I'm about to exit."
  • Going 1 mph over the limit in the left lane and not moving over even when they get a parade of 10 cars behind them.
  • Driving under the speed limit on a 2-lane highway which creates a parade of cars that each wait for the opportunity to cross into the oncoming lane to pass.


On surface streets:

  • Driving under the speed limit, when there's no traffic.
  • Taking their sweet time to get moving at a green light, because there couldn't possibly be people behind them who also want to make the light.
  • Waiting forever to turn left, passing up on several gaps in traffic they could've easily made it through.
  • Stopping in the middle of a street when there's no traffic light or stop sign because they see a pedestrian on the sidewalk who looks like they might want to cross the road.
  • Clogging up lanes that can either be a turn lane or a go-straight lane, where they are going straight so slowly that you get don't get a chance to turn, because even though it's a right-on-red intersection, they're not turning. And of course there's no car to your left and they could've at moved over to the left when they saw your blinker.


So basically, when all this shit happens, I turn into this: