In college I dated a woman. It’s a long story and worthy of its own story. Anyway.

She thought she was sick. We were out shopping for art supplies and she said she needed water, so I volunteered to go get her some. I go out, find a store with water, bring it back.

She takes a sip. “It’s cold.”


“Why didn’t you get room temperature? I’m sick. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?”


[Pours half of the bottle out and throws the rest away]

“You don’t care about me. You don’t care if I die. We’re breaking up.”

“No. Don’t go. Stay.”

I walk off.

I go to a headshop to celebrate and buy myself a Zippo lighter.

I go back and she’s packing and talking about how I don’t care about her. I give her the Zippo and say “I bought you this.”

She starts crying.

We broke up two years later. I found the lighter and kept it. It was mine to begin with. It’s my lucky lighter.