Make me your transport secretary!

I spoke with you on Wednesday when you came to my university and I asked if you would implement a congestion charge in certain areas of Mexico City.

You answered back saying “Oh, I did not think about that...” To an staggering amount of surprise and applause of the public that was already fucking tired of trolls asking whether you’re a Priista or not.

Look, Mrs. Boy; I don’t give a shit about your party affiliation, you’re a former congresswoman and leading executive in both Greenpeace, and Mexico’s SEMARNAT (EPA). What I do care about is that you’re polling at 3% anyway, and somehow even though you’re a part of a “green” party that is in favor of the Death Penalty and also legalized hydraulic fracturing you seem to be the least stupid choice for the next Mayor of the city.

Yet you have no real transportation policy, sure! You want to increase spending in infrastructure, but unlike Alejandra Barrales and Claudia Shienbaoum, you don’t have a clear plan. Come on, who better than a 20 year old that doesn’t know how to do his hair as your transport secretary? I have experience shitposting on the internet and also solving complex transit infrastructure in Cities Skylines. Come on, most of our issues are solved by plowing 5 neighborhoods to make a new tram line!

I promise the following:

I will create a GNSS pricing system for Mexico City which will make you unelectable for the rest of your career!
I will LS swap Metrobuses so that the average speed rises from 30km/h to 100km/h!
I will create a new Uber-like app for the city’s taxis and then ban Uber and Lyft because it’s what the cool kids in Europe do.

I will turn the transit police into a shady organization that will investigate the secrete Chinese mafia, arrest corrupt politicians, and serve death sentences to those who dare park next to me and ding my door start doing their job and charge more traffic tickets.
I will also make invalid everysingle “Type A” driver’s licenses because we’re still not forced to take a driving exam and import a lot of swedes to teach us car control, that way Mexico City will turn into a literal gymkhana but at least people will know how roundabouts work!

I will also turn speed cameras 180 degrees and post the picture of the infractoring drivers to facebook, photoshop to make it look as if they’re doing something disgusting like digging their noses or driving a Pontiak Aztek.