It’s shaping up to be one of those all-too-frequent sleepless nights for your boy. Don’t pity me, I have many bottles of fine tequila, and a whole fridge full of craft beer. But that’s not important now. I want to know about what you drive. Give me specs, give me photos, give me video, give me hyperbole, give me speculation, give me exaggerations, give me made-up facts; what you got, Oppo?

I spend a lot of time on here bragging about my other cars. The fast stuff, the rare stuff, the beautiful stuff. But tonight I’m going to brag about my Tahoe:

Hell yeah. Unstoppable off-road monster.

Eats that shit for breakfast.

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Look how far away that shit is.

Look at it it tuck that goddamn wheel.

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Sometimes I drive it off cliffs, and it does this to the exhaust, but it gets me home like it doesn’t even care.

Ain’t nothin’ to a boss. Cut that shit off, and go do more off-roading.

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This is the most American picture ever taken.

Alright, I’m done. Your turn, Oppo. Tell me how awesome your ride is. Lie about it if necessary.