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Hey! You! Yeah, you! Look over my resume (also how tf do you use accented letters with a laptop keyboard)

I like having money, and buying things. I’m also kind of somewhat slightly maybe-sorta broke-ish. These two things when taken together unfortunately mean that I should probably tone down the laziness and find a job to occupy the next few weeks before I head to Asia on the JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME.

My requirements for employment are both ill-defined and constantly changing, as I defer all major life choices to the experts, namely Mercury’s level of influence on my earthly soul at any given time, and Mr. Fortune Cookie. They’ve both been strangely silent in regards to six-figure entry-level twenty-hour work weeks, so I’m turning to Oppo. bleh.


None of the above is actually relevant to what I need from you so go back to the top and scroll down to the document I’ve stapled to the bottom of the page. Seriously, just skip the fluff. Your job is to look over my pre-hiring entrance paper, tell me how to improve it (I just want a good general purpose copy, I’ll make personalized changes for each application), and end with a deeply personal complement to boost my feelings of grandeur. It is imperative that you follow the format laid out for you exactly *emoji.seriousface*

Boom. Resume. In the zero seconds spent googling them, I couldn’t figure out keyboard accents so you can either cut me some slack or admire my dope-ass rhyming skills. It’s a win-win for me dog.


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