From the moment man first strapped an engine to a trike, people have been doing dumb shit to their cars.

In the past, many morons were saved from embarrassment and ridicule by the difficulty of mass communication. Thankfully, ever since the inception of the world wide web, these idiots have taken to displaying their mechanical ineptitude and lack of common sense publicly for the entertainment of all. Chronicled here are some of the most egregious examples of automotive stupidity to have ever hit the internet.

Direct Exhaust Injection

Originally posted to the GM Modern Muscle Forums, but long since removed or deleted. Copy can be found here.

Originally Posted by The Nemesis_ZR2

First off, Jay, stay out of this.

Ok. I didn’t want to mention it but I was thinking about turbo charging my Vette. I got to thinking about it and how in efficient even turbos are (compressor efficiencies of about 80% at best).

Since a turbo’s function is to pressurize incoming air and force it into the upper motor, and turbos are driven by high pressure exhaust gas created from the combustion process, couldn’t I just bypass the turbo altogether and route my headers back into the throttle bodies?

Since I have CFI, I could balance the DEI (direct exhaust injection as I just coined it) by feeding one header into each throttle body. Yes, the charge air wouldn’t be that cold, but it would be under a hell of a lot more pressure.

I attached a quick sketch below:

There are still a few things I need to work out:
1) How do I get the CFI aircleaner to fit in a way that hides this plumbing?
2) Does anyone make a V-band clamp that will bolt an exhaust header to a CFI throttle body?
3) What pinion angle should I use in my rear-end? I’m sure there will be a noticeable difference in torque output.

What do you guys think?

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Well he’s right about the difference in torque output.

NOS “Fuel Additive”

This classic from the gixxer forums goes from bad to oh-so-much worse the further into the thread you get.

My bike was running like crap on my way home from work so I stopped at a gas station to get some NOS. I poured in 2 bottles and rode it home. Well I don’t think it helped because it ran even worse on the way home and now it won’t start. Any ideas?

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The real punchline is on the second page of the thread. Make sure to click through for maximum lulz.

Port & Polish

My new favorite comes to us from audiforums circa ‘07.

Hey guys, I’ve got a 98 1.8T. I’ve had a k04 and chip for a while and wanted to get more performance. I was recommended to port and polish the intake and exhaust. We found out they used abrasive material to do it like gritty sand. So I got with my friend that tunes Hondas and we decided to try it ourselves. We got a bag of sandblasting sand and hooked up into the intake and started the car. We had to hold the gas so it would run. He wanted to let the engine suck in the sand through the intake so it would port it out and then push it out the ehxaust so it would port the exhaust manifold.

I was worried that it might cause problems but he figured it’d be OK as long as we didn’t make boost and it get sucked in the turbo. After running the car and letting it suck in sand we got about half way through a 25 lb bag. The check engine light was on and the engine was bucking and kicking and sounding really weird. We stopped and hooked the car back up normal and took off the sand supply. We tried to start it again and it was really hard. Once started it couldn’t idle and kept making weird noises. We took it out and drove it and it started to make scraping and knocking noises.
Help! Can anyone tell me what to do! My buddy only does Hondas so he doesn’t know much about Audis.

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But it always works on Hondas!

Here’s a few more:

Audi owner vs Arizona Parking Solutions Saga - Suggested by ADabOfOppo, Where’s My Crazy Pills?!

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“Welded Diff” Fail - Suggested by WhiskeyGolf

That might be enough stupid for one day, but I’m a glutton for schadenfreude so please share any epic auto forum fails you’ve encountered over the years.