Finally watching “Need for Speed”. I cannot believe what my sensory perceptions are inputting into my brain.

I make a general effort not to go out of my way to shit on media that I don’t like, it’s immature and self centered, but this is even worse than I thought it would be. Not since “Redline” (sorry if, like me, the mere mention of that travesty film movie collection of images brings back horrible memories), have I seen a more terrible attempt at appealing to a mass audience and car enthusiasts. The plot is insane (OK, so are Fast and Furious movie, but those are legitimate fun). The whole first part of the movie (I’m only about 25 min in, but I don’t see this getting any better) is based around the idea that

A) A small shop in a small town in New York can build a basically OEM last gen Mustang from scratch

B) Said Mustang, based on the fact that it was a project between Ford and Carroll Shelby right before he died, thereby capitalizing on this poor old man’s death, is worth THREE MILLION DOLLARS. That’s American dollars, mind you.

C) This incredibly unaerodynamic vehicle will reach 230 MPH.

I’m sure there are more headache inducing moments to come. For anyone that knows the first thing about cars, or has a passion for cars, this movie is like a big steaming turd on their face. Why do they have to make everything seem so fucking lame! Even when they talk about the specs of the engine (they basically describe the newest iteration of the GT500, but magically add about 240 HP) it sounds so disingenuous, like a robot trying to describe the pleasures of sex. So many movies like this suffer from the same problems.

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Now I will go back, and rage watch the remaining 1 hour and 40 minutes. Pray for me.

/rant

Edit: I failed to mention that every human being in the movie is a sociopath with no respect for human life. As a result, I have about as much attachment to the protagonist in this movie, as I do to the one in every NfS game I have ever played. Exactly none.