I took my nightmare phone repair to Sprint today, told them exactly what happened, and they fixed the damn thing in 25 minutes.
I came back and picked it up. When I asked how much it was, he looked at me funny, and said, "Aren't you under warranty?" I said no. He said not to worry about it.
So, I'm now only out 25 days. Phone fixed properly for free.
My saga is over. The end.