I got invited a few weeks ago to go drive the i-Pace at a Jaguar brand event. I doubt I’ll be invited back after this but frankly, if that car is the future then I don’t want it. There isn’t any emotion to electric cars. And before some says “but Tesla” - go drive that back to back with a Miata (hell, go drive it back to back on a tight road with a WRX) and tell me that it elicits the same kind of emotional driving response. It doesn’t. So why?

The same reason 380 lb Trent Brown doesn’t play Quarterback: with his weight, he simply wouldn’t be good at it. Different strokes and all of that.

So while electric cars are wonderful at straight line speed and getting your butt quietly around a city, they aren’t an enthusiast experience. When you pitch an i-Pace into a corner, what you get is the disappointment of weight-induced understeer (a body in motion stays in motion) and a bit of tightening of the rectum as you realize the straight line speed isn’t matched by cornering prowess.

Now, I think the combustion car is just about dead. Unfortunately, we’re all eventually going to have to live with the idea that our daily drivers, at least for a while, will be the soulless minions of orthodoxy that are the electric cars. Worse, with impending autonomy, they won’t even really need us as drivers - just as fleshy bags of water to move around like anything else.

Let me say it before you do - get off my lawn. 

If there’s any solace, I sincerely hope for a future where everyone else can go about their EV business on their highways and byways, leaving the curves of the road less traveled to us - people who appreciate the motoring experience.

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Goodbye Jaguar. Thanks for the moments.