If your Ford had a Matthew McConaughey, it would be a Lincoln

How Bad of a Hooptie is Your Ride?

My friend and I were bullshitting about how bad our cars were today. My Z has no door panels, no carpet, no bumpers (anymore, they rattled like a bumper with 3/8 bolts), the taillights only work if you twist the hazard knob in the perfect spot, the left taillight doesn’t work at all right now, the floorboard offer a nice view of the pavement via rust holes, there’s no radio, the fuel pump has been trying to prove it can in fact eat rust, but is slowly coming to realize that’s bullshit, the tank is all rusty inside (I’ve gone through 5 pepboys fuel filters since January), there are NO mufflers, the seats are out of a Celica GT and just baaarelyyy fit in, the weatherstripping is off random junkyard cars (Subaru for the hatch, Kia Sportage for the doors), the header gasket leaks and fills the cabin with exhaust, the used tires are dryrotted and rub the fenders when you hit a bump on the highway (but $150!), the drivers side door is off a 71 or older (mines a 73), there has been some amount of damage to the drivers side as a whole, every single bushing has nearly disintegrated, the shocks are blown, the paint is falling off the hatch and passenger fender, the sunroof exploded into a million pieces when I tried to fit a “new, totally proper” seal from a Nissan Hardbody, so now there’s not much of a roof, the cable for the choke is just sorta flopping around the cab, the center console exploded the second I laid a finger on it, so now there’s a blanket from the thrift store with a hole poked in it for the shifter, there’s a strange and never ending supply of sand inside (I’ve vacuumed at least three times now and it keeps coming back for more), while we were talking I tried to lock the hatch and the whole mechanism just fell out, the HVAC controls are connected to nothing, there’s no heater, the blower motor is totally functional, but not hooked up to anything, there are at least 15 mystery wires in the engine bay for old smog stuff, of which I have none, the diff leaks when it gets hot and squirts oil onto the exhaust, which sends gear oil smoke into the cab if you happen to stop when this is going on, there’s still duct tape adhesive on the windows from when we drove it from California to Utah, in one day, in January, with no heater, no weather stripping and an even leakier exhaust AND I love the living shit out of it!

How bad is your stupid project car?

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