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HOW I BOUGHT A CHEAP S2000 AND WHY YOU SHOULDN'T

Seems like these days I can’t go on Youtube without seeing “Cheapest” this and “Bought from Auction” that. It’s a problem and is getting in the way of me watching softcore. There are a number of people at fault, but mostly I blame Tyler Hoover. He’s the reason I can’t find decent porn on Youtube. Unfortunately I just did something that’s not helping. I recently bought a car from auction, and it’s very likely the cheapest clean title Honda S2000 in the country. Yes I’m a cheating hypocrite. I know.

Illustration for article titled HOW I BOUGHT A CHEAP S2000 AND WHY YOU SHOULDNT
Photo: @SirMattWest
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But wait, I just said “clean title” and “auction” in the same sentence. Blasphemy you’re thinking. And you’d be right if you believed every auto vlogger on “NotForPornTube”. Auto auctions are synonymous with salvage cars, but actually dealers buy thousands of clean title cars there daily. This especially goes for cars that are hard to sell like *ahem* sports cars.

Before getting into how I bought my most recent lapse in judgement, here’s the reasoning behind it. Coming previously from a muscle car, I reached the point of diminishing returns in having it go around corners. That quickly led to the desire for something that natively handles well and is budget friendly. The options for this however are fairly limited. Miatas are too slow (sorry but they are), cheap Porsches are never actually cheap, and GT86s albeit cool are too commonplace. That left me with only one option, and something about 9,000rpm really caught my attention. This old “Hot Version” clip pretty much explains everything.

Why from auction? Simple, because it’s cheaper that way. I honestly couldn’t afford a decent S2000 at the going market rate. There were all but five for sale in my state, each of which listing significantly above $15,000. Nationwide it wasn’t much better. Whereas I managed to snag mine at a crispy $10,000. Sure, five years ago I could’ve had one for $6,000 but recently S2000s have seen a substantial growth in value. Some can still be had for less, that is if you’re okay with a salvage title and ten-trillion miles. I already lost money once on a salvage car and I can’t afford to do it twice. And buying from auction wasn’t that hard. In most places a dealer’s licence is required, but thankfully there’s a way around that. They say every time a car broker dies an angel gets their wings, and fortunately for me I found one that wasn’t dead. To put it plainly, a broker in this context is someone with a dealer’s licence who bids at auction on your behalf. Usually they can be found running backstreet dealerships that share office space with brothels.

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Initially, I met with the broker to discuss budget requirements and details of the car he’d bid on. This was sealed in writing, and as you can see options weren’t my top priority. Just had to be a S2000, and not one with the weird blue interior.

- Only way to avoid the blue interior (or the tacky red one) was to go with grey or black exterior colors.
- Only way to avoid the blue interior (or the tacky red one) was to go with grey or black exterior colors.
Photo: @SirMattWest
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The final step prior to bidding involved paying a $2000 deposit that would cover shipping and the brokerage fee. Worth noting that you can still finance a car going this route. It’s the same as getting a loan for any other car, just don’t go through your broker’s credit union unless you really hate money. From there, it was off to the auctions and within a couple of days I received a phone call with good news. My broker won the bid on a car matching my criteria and would arrange shipping immediately. My car needed to get from an auction house in Florida to me in Colorado. At this point I received an email with the auction listing and the only photos I’d see of the car for over a month. That’s right, a MONTH. I’m a spoiled millennial and hate waiting even two days for online shipping. This drove me to near insanity. What’s worse, one of the shipping days happened to be a holiday, and to a car transporter that’s licence to take the entire month off. The truck spent about a week actually moving, and for the rest of the time it sat behind a sketchy Florida dealership presumably while the trucker enjoyed himself in the neighboring brothel. Eventually and to my surprise, the car DID arrive. I paid the broker the remaining cash and finally took delivery of a car I still knew nothing about.

Illustration for article titled HOW I BOUGHT A CHEAP S2000 AND WHY YOU SHOULDNT
Photo: @SirMattWest
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So what sort of S2000 does ten-grand get you? One far from perfect, that’s for sure. And to be honest, it has more problems than I would like considering $10,000 is still a considerable amount of money. So many issues in fact, that I don’t have time to go over all of it today. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to write disparaging comments on Mr. Hoovers YouTube page. Also I have a car to fix.

-Inspecting the new S2K moments after delivery.
-Inspecting the new S2K moments after delivery.
Photo: @SirMattWest
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Next time: Everything wrong with my cheap S2000 and how I fixed some of it.

Full Disclosure: A few months back, I posted a suspiciously similar article to a different car blog (Which mustn’t be named around these parts), but recently have felt like my Oppo has been somewhat neglected. I can’t plagiarize myself right?

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