Complete with low res potato cam shots!

Decided to do some light maintenance on the powah scootah. I’ve been planning to do this for a while, but a combination of not wanting to do any actual work today and watching Mighty Car Mods videos inspired me to take action. Having to read about the Industrial Revolution in England in Chinese characters will make you consider doing just about anything to avoid it.

To accomplish your own successful shitty spray paint job you will need the following items:

  1. $1.50 black spray paint you bought off a Chinese shopping site
  2. Tape
  3. Smaller tape
  4. Wet wipes from a Japanese chain that sells house supplies
  5. Cotton swabs, because nothing completes a shitty paint job like having bits of cotton in your new paint
  6. Notebook paper, because newspapers are a capitalist invention and I won’t be covering my People’s Transportation Mobile in that filth!
  7. Sunglasses, because looking cool is half the battle

NOTE: SUNGLASS FASHION IS SUBJECTIVE, BUT WHITE SUNGLASSES ARE NEVER OK. EVER.

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As you can see in the shots above, the passenger grab handle was in major need of some TLC. Luckily, TLC is one of my favorite musical groups! RIP Left Eye.

As a bonus, keen eyed observers can learn the names of every Chinese province by studying my masking paper.

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Everybody knows that prep is where most paint jobs go wrong, so I was sure to give my utmost attention to giving my scooter a professional-level masking job. Or rather, I covered it in packing tape and notebook paper till I decided enough was enough.

The cover of my notebook was more optimistic than me

Following my masterful masking job, I was sure to thoroughly wipe down any hand and booty juice that may have gathered from the scooters many passengers (not trying to brag, but some of them were girls :0). I did this with the ever useful Japanese wet wipes. Because spray painting wet metal usually isn’t a good idea, I followed this up with a some gentle, almost sensual, rubdown with cotton wipes.

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“But, Ethan?”, you ask, “Won’t that leave tons of cotton fibers on the metal, totally boning your paint job before it even begins?”

First of all, how do you know my real name? Also, shut up, that’s the least of our problems. Some of you may have noticed that I did not roughen up the paint. This is because I do not have an sandpaper, or the will to learn the necessary Chinese characters and their pronunciation that would be required to buy any. Anybody know how to say 500 grit sandpaper in Chinese?

Me neither.

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This is giving me ideas for aerodynamics upgrades...

Now, the fun begins. All jokes aside, this is the part of the job I actually took pretty seriously. It was good weather for spray painting, i.e. warm with low winds. My plan was to give the car a light first coat, then let it dry, following that up with 2-3 coats, but it was so much damn fun that I ended up doing more like 5-6. In between coats I would fan the bar with the other cover of my notebook. Patience, as you can see, is not one of my virtues. I have no regrets.

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There you have it, the results of all my labor. I would say that considering my utter lack of experience and preparation, it turned out alright. I have big plans for this baby, provided the cops don’t take it away from me first. Just as a hint, I’m buying printing stencils and buying lots of spray paint. Banksy would be proud.