Featuring my best friend of 12 years, who has only driven RWD a handful of times, and never owned a car with over 200 horsepower. And is usually way more calm when driving my car.

Step 1: Speed through a residential neighborhood at 55 MILES PER HOUR on the last day of school when children are getting out.

This is how you get arrested and get my car impounded, dumbass. Hell, maybe even kill a fucking child you idiot.

Step 2: Burn through my fucking tires peeling away from stop signs.

Well, these tires had good tread.

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Step 3: Endanger Me, My car, and My girlfriend by peeling away from stop signs where you’re turning, yanking the wheel, and make the ass end kick out. Multiple times.

Not only do you not know what you’re doing since you’re used to how FWD cars respond to this, you’re putting me, my girlfriend, my car, and other people in danger by using the entire fucking road to correct and overcorrect your fuck up, almost sending my car into a curb. TWICE.

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Step 4: Don’t fucking stop when I tell you to stop

You’re going to wreck my car, fucking CHILL with the go pedal before I knock you the fuck out.

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Step 5: Come flying down my street like an asshole in my car with tinted windows.

Great, now everyone thinks I’m the asshole driving because it’s my car.

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Conclusion: Next time you ask for the keys, you’re getting a big one of these until you prove you can be sane behind the wheel.

Have fun driving your 2002 Escape V6 FWD with the red grille you spray painted. Hope you don’t total it rear-ending someone like you did your Sebring Convertible.