For the Oppo Jalops:

My midnight attempt at homemade Horchata

Step 1: Acquire ingredients
Milk - Ease of acquisition...1
Ground Cinnamon - Ease of acquisition...3
Vanilla Extract - Ease of acquisition... Ark of the Covenant

Step 2: Search for Vanilla Extract
Open first cabinet. If it is not the first thing you see directly in front of you, seriously consider waking your wife to help you find it. In lieu of waking her, text her asking where it is hoping she sleep-texts you its location. Wait.....
After thirty seconds and because you do not know magic (yet), continue search for Vanilla Extract.

Step 3: Actually Search for Vanilla Extract
After emptying every cabinet and finding last year's final Easter egg but no Vanilla Extract, line up every food item that could possibly substitute Vanilla Extract.


Step 4: Which Item is Least Poisonous?
Peanut Butter, Almond Milk, Mint Extract, White Chocolate Chips, Frosted Mini Wheats, Sriracha

Step 5: Make Icky Face
Taste Almond Milk. Gag. Who drinks this crap?

Step 6: Summon Inner Bear Grylls
Melt White Chocolate Chips in pan. Capture evaporated moisture in chilled pan lid and distill into mug. Taste it.


Step 7: Not Bad
Add to milk and cinnamon mix. Notice complete lack of flavor enhancement. Swear at no one and nothing in particular after looking at mess in kitchen.

Step 8: **** it
Dump melted white chocolate into milk, cinnamon and distilled nothingness.


Step 9: War Cry
Savor your tasty concoction and contemplate putting these instructions on the Internet.

Step 10: You're Reading It