So it was recommended I apply for authorship. And for some reason they actually approved it. (Jeez. They really will let anyone in around here.) So I figure I should do an introduction post ‘cause seriously, I’m not For Sweden or $kaycog, so I presume nobody knows me.

So hi! I’m RootWyrm. Proper spellings are limited to “RootWyrm”, “rootwyrm”, and may be shortened to “root” or “wyrm.” Never “Rootwyrm”, “Root”, or “Wyrm”. I’ve worked in IT for over 20 years professionally (so my insurance rates are great,) but I also did a stint as a real mechanic, and I’m (duh) still very much into cars. I’m also the sole o/o of my own little automotive engineering firm. Which - trust me - is not a profitable venture. Even in bragging rights. I drop lots of sixteen hundred word comments on Jalopnik when I have time. Sometimes I even manage to make educational stuff funny. Sometimes.

Let’s talk about why you’re gonna like reading the crap I write though, shall we? First of all, I love sharing knowledge and experience. And I’ve got quite a lot of both. You’ve got a drivability or electrical problem, I’m your huckleberry. (Please do not eat.) Secondly, I used to be very into racing - and I’m trying to get back into it right now. My home courses are Mid-Ohio and Nelson’s Ledges. And who doesn’t like going fast? Third (and of course the most important,) I have one hell of a car collection considering how cheap it is.

Current daily driver? (Photo representative.)

2015 Buick Regal Premium II T-Type, Diamond White Tricoat. Because I don’t own white Buicks. I own off-white Buicks only. Some very mild work performed to bump it to 330ft/lbs and improve response on the AF40. It’s a perfectly good car for daily driving duties. (And more importantly, heated seats and heated steering wheel. This should be mandatory in all cars sold in Ohio.)


Latest acquisition? (Photo actual.)

2012 Porsche 911 Carrera 4 GTS. One of 1,321 997.2 C4GTS coupes ever made. Which obviously is pretty rare to begin with. This particular example is a 6 speed, making it one of less than 200 (still working on exact numbers.) Ordered with basically every ‘make it better option’ including Alcantara delete, full leather interior, silver wheels (damn straight,) PDLS, Sport Chrono Plus, and heated and ventilated seats.
Her name is Onyxia. She’s taking over daily driving duties (YES REALLY) and commencing track duties later this month. Plus I’ll be flying down to pick her up from Texas and driving back. YOU WILL NOT POINT OUT HOW DIRTY SHE IS DURING THIS TRIP.


Next up, there’s the one that pisses off all the Import guys. (Photo actual.)

Yes indeedy, that is a 1995 Acura Integra GS-R 2 door sunroof delete. A one owner example from Texas which has never been molested, riced, or rusted in the least. Everything factory original. That’s not paint damage either, that’s just dirt. It’s the only exception I’ve ever made to the “I don’t buy red cars” rule. Because a car like this happens less than once in your lifetime.
And no, I didn’t pay BAT prices for it. And no, I will not accept BAT prices for it.


And last, but certainly not least... (photo representative)

1986 Dodge Daytona TurboZ C/S. In Gunmetal Blue Pearlcoat. (No, I don’t have the DC hood scoop. Or a sunroof. Or T-Tops. Thank god.) Also a one-owner rust free acquisition, originally from California. She’s in ... bad shape after sitting for a long time, and on the list for full restoration. Problem is: Gunmetal Blue Pearlcoat? Is shockingly expensive paint - $110+ per ounce for the pearl component alone. And nobody wants to do the job, because getting pearls right is bad enough. Three layer metalflake pearl? Oof.


But there’s a reason she’s my baby. That’s the first car I truly fell in love with, at the age of just six years old. My neighbor had a 1985 TurboZ. (Said neighbor then proceeded to drive drunk, plowing it into a tree down the street at somewhere over 50MPH. And lived.) I finally had the opportunity to buy my first one for a song in ‘99, a basket case of a vanilla TurboZ from New England with the +1 rally springs (they really were a thing! Seriously!) 14PSI of boost by way of wood screw and enough rust to qualify for the David Tracy Home for Hopeless Jeeps.

Which convinced me “yeah, I need an example worth more than $50 at the junkyard.” Well, that led me to a one owner example with high miles in California. Whose resurrection shall come about just as soon as I get through the absolute hell that is trying to buy a house in a town that doesn’t bitch about six cars with one owner.

So hit me! What would you like to learn about this perpetual stress engine?