Chris Pratt has a sense of humor.
Remember in the first “Guardians of the Galaxy,” how my character said, “...There is one other name you may know me by... ‘Starlord.’” and the other guy said, “Who?” Hahaha! Funny to think that just a couple years ago people didn’t know who Starlord was and now I got stalkers and everything! Not to brag! But seriously I got weirdos all over the place hiding in the shadows wanting to do me harm. I just couldn’t be luckier. #Gratitude
Needless to say it’s been a hell of a ride. I now have a certified aura translator on staff! #glowing I got a yoga guy. An herb doctor. An alchemist who’s working around the clock on formulas to turn my sweat into magic potion. I got a Tesla. I got a Tesla for my Tesla. I bought a tiger. People shout my name at the mall. They hand me babies and I’m like, “Oh, you want me to kiss this baby?”
They’re like, “No. I want you to keep it!”
I have a shit load of free babies, I mean seriously, who wants one? Boy, girl, take one... or two! They’re everywhere! And just so #precious. But mostly I’m just trying to stay humble. (BUT IT’S SO HARD) which is why I have to give a shout out to my “professional attitude liaisons” that help me with all that shit as well as my Sherpa Greg, Scooter, my chakra mechanic, what’s his name my laser chiropractor guy and (amazing news) he’s got a time machine! Is he crazy expensive? Of course! Am I nearly tapped out even though I’m pulling down millions per movie!? Hell no. I’M IN THE RED SON!! :o Luxury jets are super expensive but my psychic Mirijamph promised me if I fly her family to my new compound in Aruba and get her my tax ID #’s I could get Evander Holyfield as my boxing coach! (Long story) things are good I guess. I played catch with Peyton Manning and Papa John just the other night... oh that reminds me... I’m probably getting my own pizza flavor if we can just figure out how to grind up diamonds into an edible powder. And other than that pretty normal day to day same old same old. Oh... They’re thinking of naming a city after me. New York. Ever heard of it? Probably gonna be called New-Star-Lordia pretty soon. Just sayin’ So... there IS another name you may know me by...
$hamiroquoixxx (patent pending)
I want to thank God. And Tony Robbins. But not in that order. And most of all, express my gratitude to the throngs of fans. Without you we are simply hollow shells of humans, replete with insecurity and desperate for attention. But with you? We are much, much, much, much more.