But Jesus, there are a lot of dickheads out there in SUVs who think that the fact that their axle is higher than my hood means that they don’t have to merge properly.

If I ever get a terminal illness, I’m going to go all Walter White, buy an Aztek, and leave a trail of Excursion side mirrors in my wake.

“Did you ever see a zipper that goes one tooth on the left, three teeth on the right?”